The Places in My Dreams
The Places in My Dreams
The world within, the world of my dreams, is similar to the one I walk through every day. But it is different.
The streets bend strangely. The rooms open where they should not. The people and places are often indifferent to me, and sometimes, they are even antagonistic.
They are not merely people and places. They are representations of emotions I have not yet worked through from the previous day. Sixteen waking hours are not enough to fully grasp all that I have experienced, endured, feared, desired, regretted, or misunderstood.
And so, in the night, these things come alive.
They take on faces. They become houses, roads, crowds, locked doors, ruined landscapes, familiar rooms made unfamiliar. They guide me through the shadow landsnot always kindly, but truthfully. They show me what I could not see while awake.
My dreams are not escapes from the day.
They are the day returning in another form, asking to be understood.
Some nights I find myself back in places I have never been, and yet they feel older than memory. A school that was never my school. A church with hallways that keep multiplying. A childhood home rearranged by grief. A city I know by instinct, though no map has ever held it.
In these places, I am often trying to get somewhere.
I am late. I am lost. I am looking for someone. I am trying to explain myself to people who will not listen. I am searching for a room, a door, a vehicle, a path, a way home. Sometimes I am carrying something fragile. Sometimes I have forgotten what I was supposed to carry. Sometimes I am responsible for a task I do not understand, surrounded by people who seem to know the rules but refuse to tell me.
This is the cruelty of the dream world: everyone else seems initiated.
They move through the strange landscape as if it is ordinary. They know which hallway leads out, which road is safe, which bus to board, which door not to open. I am the stranger in a world that somehow belongs to me. I am the dreamer, and yet I am not in control.
Perhaps this is why the places feel antagonistic. They do not hate me. They are simply unwilling to flatter me. They will not pretend I am finished with what I have not faced. They will not comfort me with easy explanations. They turn my emotions into architecture and ask me to walk through them.
Fear becomes a narrow bridge.
Regret becomes a house with too many locked rooms.
Anger becomes a storm on the edge of town.
Shame becomes a crowd that sees me before I am ready to be seen.
Grief becomes a road that always returns to the same place.
And longinglonging becomes a light in a window I can never quite reach.
I wake from these dreams with the feeling that I have traveled farther than my body could have gone. I have crossed cities, fields, stairways, basements, sanctuaries, ruins, and train stations. I have spoken with the dead and avoided the living. I have been judged by strangers and ignored by friends. I have wandered through the unfinished weather of my own soul.
Then morning comes, and the ordinary world returns.
The walls are where I left them. The floor is solid. The dog needs to go out. The coffee waits. The phone glows with its small demands. The day begins again, pretending to be separate from the night.
But I know better.
The dream has left its residue. A feeling follows me, sometimes faint, sometimes heavy. A hallway from the dream lingers inside the hallway of the house. A face from the night appears behind the face of someone I know. A mood clings to the morning like fog.
The shadow lands do not vanish when I wake.
They retreat.
They wait beneath the visible world, beneath errands and conversations, beneath sermons and chores, beneath the version of myself that knows how to answer when someone asks, How are you
I say, Im fine.
But somewhere beneath that answer, an entire city is still burning, or flooding, or rebuilding itself in the dark.
From the AOF Studio THE HOLLOW CIRCUIT // NODE: ARCHIVENODE8829
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It might bemuse you to know that the pretty well does all our - the mind too slow and lumbering to do anything other than steer and vet what the subconscious delivers.
So can we really claim to be superior thinkers when uses much the same kind of neural net pattern matching that our subconscious uses
The subconscious pays attention. It remembers the way someones voice cracked during an argument ten years ago, the way your stomach dropped when you realized someone wasnt coming back, the way a room felt right before everything changed.
And sometimes the is your . It what you need to on. Points you to the . It tells your what your has on its .
It seems to be that our does not decide on things to think about, but selects from choices the offers - snapshots from which to choose.
So we can choose what to think about but only from a pre-chosen list.
And then the subconscious does the thinking on the chosen path. And presents the conscious with a precis.
Would love to hear of counter-views to this. Or endorsement.
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Gii m 10 gic m ph bin nh rng rng, ng, i thi cha n bi... Chuyn gia gic ng h l thng ip tim n v ni s v cm xc con ngi. c s
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Woke from a in which there was a named The Flaming Waymos. Cant speak to the quality as my dreams are always silent (ironic, yes). Also, Ive never ridden in a so its peculiar to dream about one. Not sure what this means some form of , perhaps
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The doors to the deepest subconscious are never fully closed. In the corner of the mind or on the corner of the high street we are only a footstep away from the business of our being.
It was his subconscious which told him this that infuriating part of a persons brain which never responds to interrogation, merely gives little meaningful nudges and then sits humming quietly to itself, saying nothing.
Douglas Adams (1952-2001) English author, humourist, screenwriter
Dirk Gently, No. 2, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, ch. 17 (1988)
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